Extreme Karaoke Night!
by koholint
Summary: With your host, Dee Deku! This is what happens when you get a hyper deku scrub host and the entire Zelda gang to sing in a karaoke contest. Who will win the grand prize? And here's our first contestant: Sorcerer Vaati! DISCONTINUED


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Legend of Zelda or any of Dead or Alive's songs, nor any of the songs I'll use in this fic.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Greetings, folks, and welcome (pi) to Ex-treeeeeme Karaoke Night! I'm your host, Dee Deku. I hope you're all (pi) ready!" Dee looked at the audience and beamed. "The prize tonight (pi) is a date with Princess Zelda!" Zelda, an audience member, threw a glass at the deku scrub host. It hit him squarely in the head. Dee recovered quickly and chuckled nervously.

"Well, that's not really the (pi) prize! I—it was just a joke, your highness (pi)!" He stammered, "The REAL prize (pi) is one thousand rupees and a case of (pi) Chateau Romani! Let's go over the rules!" His former cheeriness returned and he spoke eagerly.

"In this basket," he held it up, "are (pi) cards with a category written on them. When I (pi) read the card (pi), you pick a song that (pi) fits in with the group and I'll play it. There are no redraws allowed (pi). If there is a tie (pi) at the end of the contest, those (pi) tying will have to sing another (pi) song. And that reminds me (pi)! NO LIP SYNCING ALLOWED! You really have to (pi) sing!" He smiled again and waved a hand around. To his dismay, the spectators did not seem too enthusiastic. "Our judges (pi) over there will (pi) decide the winner." Everyone turned and looked at three shady characters sitting at a rectangular table.

"Let the (pi) karaoke begin!" He stepped to the side of the stage and plugged a boom box into an electrical socket. "Who wants to go first?" His smile melted away when no one volunteered. "Alright, how about you (pi)?" He pointed to a dark corner where someone was sitting. The person rose.

"You mean me?" a soft voice said, "I suppose I could. Let's get this over with, shall we?"

The stranger stepped out of the shadows. Everyone gasped. Link pulled out his sword but was held back by Zelda.

"Come on, Link! This is just a harmless karaoke contest!" she pleaded, "We don't need bloodshed! Ganondorf is here too!"

Ganondorf looked over when he heard his name and grinned like the retarded idiot he was. "Hullo!" he said stupidly, waving. A grossed-out look crossed Link's face and he shuddered.

"Hey (pi)! No weapons are allowed! This is (pi) neutral ground!" With amazing speed, Dee hopped over and snatched the sword out of Link's hands. Then he chucked it out the window.

"My sword! You threw it away!" Link sobbed, "Why?"

"Rules are rules, my friend," the velvet voice said.

"Vaati! I'm sure you would know a thing or two about rules, eh?" Link smirked, "Taking a break from world domination? Or did you snap like Ganondorf did?" Again, Ganondorf turned and waved idiotically.

"Uh, no, actually," Vaati said, a little disturbed by Ganondorf, "I came to win that Chateau Romani."

"Oh boy, some neutral ground THIS will be when you finish drinking it all," Link retorted, rolling his eyes, "I doubt if you can win anyway."

"Is that so? Them's fightin' words where I come from," Vaati snapped, "Let's bet on it!"

"And you come from where? Minishland? I hear they're pretty short," Link snickered, "on cash there."

"Shut up," Vaati said, turning red with embarrassment, "I bet you three hundred rupees that I'll do better than you! Plus if I win, I get to go out with your precious little Zelda!"

Zelda's eyes widened and she tried to reason with Link, but he answered, "Deal, shorty! But if I win, you have to be a drag king for a day!"

Vaati's eyes narrowed. "I'll let you go this time, fairy boy. I accept your bet! But if you call me a shorty again I'll be sure to zap you."

"Hey, (pi), are you gonna argue all day (pi) or are you gonna come up here and sing? I can pick someone else (pi)." Dee tapped his foot impatiently and waited for a reply. In the background, someone called, "Link, I can't believe you're gonna let him get away with that!" Link flipped him off.

"I'm coming, deku scrub. Geez, be a little bit more patient, will you?" Vaati walked up to the stage.

"Good, good! Well folks, here's (pi) our first contestant! Now let's see what the (pi) card says." Dee pulled a card from the basket and read it aloud. "Let's see… your (pi) category is Cheesy 80's Music!"  
Vaati coughed. "Excuse me? I demand a redraw!"

"I'm (pi) sorry, Va-," Dee stopped at Vaati's evil glare, 'I-I mean, Lord Vaati! Redraws (pi) are simply against the rules (pi)!"

"Feh, fine, and don't let me catch you disrespecting me again, or I'll find out where you live and murder you in your sleep." Vaati snatched the mike out of Dee's hands and snapped his fingers. A CD plopped itself into the boom box and began to play. Techno vibes started the song.

"That really is cheesy 80's music…" Zelda muttered. Link nodded his agreement and tried hard not to laugh when Vaati started to sing.

"I,I, IIIII, I, I IIIII, I am being haunted." Vaati replaced the microphone it its stand and tipped it towards him. Link whispered to Zelda, "He's not going to sing THAT is he?" Zelda answered, "Yes, I think…he is." Link sniggered. 

"**It's four o'clock in the morning,  
And I'm sitting on my stairs,  
And there's bangin' round the bedroom,  
Even though I know there's no-one there,  
And I am here all by myself,  
And you're somewhere else with someone else,  
And I am being haunted by a love that isn't there-" **Vaati emphasized the point byripping the mike out of the stand and pressing his hand against his chest. He closed his eyes and sang into the microphone.

"There is something in my house - my house,  
It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,  
There is something in my house - my house,  
I just keep a hearing you runnin' on up my stairs,  
But you're not there…" He held 'there' and sank to his knees. The lights dimmed for the instrumental piece and then brightened when Vaati continued singing. He struggled back to his feet in time with the song.

"I, I, IIIII I,I, IIIII, I am being haunted…

I really gotta say it to ya,  
Ya showed me a good time,  
But for every minute that you spent laughin',  
There were hours that I cried,  
And I think about what might have been,  
If I'd never meant that wicked way,  
That my heart broke into pieces that midnight on Halloween-" Here Vaati flung his hand to the left and tossed his hair. He sang the next stanza powerfully and sashayed across the stage.

There is something in my house - my house,  
It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,  
There is something in my house - my house,  
I just keep a hearing you runnin' on up my stairs,  
But you're not there

It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,

There is something in my house - my house,

But you're not there." Vaati ceased his procession across the stage and stood still, bathed in the soft light of the spotlight.

"**I, I, IIIII I, I, IIIII, I am being haunted, **

And I am here all by myself,  
And you're somewhere else with someone else,  
And I am being haunted by a love that isn't there- " He closed his crimson eyes again and gripped the mike with both hands, then brought it close to his lips and barely sighed into it. He gently swayed along with the song.

"There is something in my house - my house,  
It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,  
There is something in my house - my house,  
I just keep a hearing you runnin' on up my stairs,  
But you're not there

It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,

There is something in my house - my house,  
It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair,  
There is something in my house - my house,  
I just keep a hearing you runnin' on up my stairs,  
But you're not there

It's just a ghost of the long long dead affair."

Vaati held the last word and slowly faded it. He finally opened his eyes and smirked. Applause rang throughout the room. Vaati bowed low, then walked off the stage and swaggered back to his seat. He stuck his tongue out at Link as he passed and hissed, "Beat that fairy boy!"

"Oh, don't worry; I will. Plus I'm not gonna sing such a gay song," Link retorted.

Once Vaati left Zelda said, "Isn't it kinda creepy how that song seems to fit him?" Link's expression changed to one of disgust.

"Eww, it does, now that I think about it…"

Dee interrupted any and all conversation. "Let's have another round of (pi) applause for our first (pi) contestant, the Sorcerer Vaati! He sang (pi) 'Something in my House', by Dead or Alive!" Some polite clapping followed, but you could tell nobody meant it.

"Who wants to (pi) go next? Remember, you could be the winner!" Dee exclaimed animatedly.

Ganondorf tried to go, but was instantly jumped by various people. Link snuck past the mob and attempted to grab the mike, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going next, Link," the owner of the hand said.

Link's mouth fell open and his voice faltered. "You? Why…?"

* * *

YAY! I finally got around to posting this. If anyone has any suggestions as to what someone should sing, be sure to tell me! Who knows, I might just use your idea! (And of course I'll give you credit!)

I thankful to anyone who reviews. Go click that nice, shiny button! And I'm trying to write longer chapters, so bear with me on the shortness. I'm also trying to make it more humorous, but hey, how much more humorous can an 80's song get? Just kidding, I admit it. I actually do like Dead or Alive's songs.

Koholint


End file.
